NaNoWriMo

My NaNoWriMo pre-event checklist.

1. 3 cases of wine: (Aren't the best novels written by drunks?)


2. 2 cases of lite beer: (Yea, they are all written by drunks.)


3. 1 case gin: (Really raging drunks.)


4. 8 pounds Kenya AA:


5. "Mark Twain" eyebrow augmentation surgery:



6. 9 Inner demons: (Can't be a novelist without them.)


7. 100 disc changer of baroque music:


8. Political agenda: (Dante, Voltaire, Orwell, need I say more?)


9. Degree Anti-Persperant Deodorant: (Hygiene is such a drag.)


10. Leather scented candles:


11. 8 cases of family size high fiber Cliff bars:


12. Extended family size pack of Charmin double rolls: (See the previous item.)


13. Thesarus:


14. Un-Abridged Dictionary:


15. Ouija board: (I might need help with the themes.)


16. Magic 8-Ball: (I might need a second opinion.)


17. Fluffy bunny slippers:

Did I forget anything? Oh yea. PSSHHHHFFFT! PSSHHHHHHHHHT! Pardon me. PSSHHHHFFFTSSHHFPSSWOOSSHHHHHHHHHT! I forgot to blow the dust and crumbs out of my keyboard. There. I can't risk a fouled key. You see, I'm getting ready for the NaNoWriMo event. Starting November 1st I have 30 days to write a 50,000 word novel. This is the literary equivalent of running a marathon. It requires dedication, a lightning wit, extensive preperation, and a elephant sized load of BS. As you can see I am well stocked up on all of that. As long as I have time for some bathroom breaks I don't forsee any problems.

With only a few hours between now and GO TIME I don't have the luxury of asking some important questions about this whole process. So I am forced to leave certain skeletons like quality of prose, meaningfull themes, and overall architecture, in their respective closets. Certainly my posterity can sort all of these issues out eventually. In the meantime I'll be hammering out my unique blend of mindless drivel and hot to trot gibberish.